Over !?!

Sorry to leave things hanging all week. I brilliantly assigned the kids some reports which kept them very busy this week. However, it also kept them occupying the computers all week. I had time to write, but unless I was going to type it in on my phone one letter at a time, I couldn't get to the Internet.

I woke up Monday (very, very early!) nervous. Really nervous, like throw up nervous. I was thinking I have spent a year of my life doing this and now what? I know I am not the same person I was before, but who am I? What am I going to do with all of my time? It was like I had been reborn and now I had a whole new life to start over with. I was nervous about this responsibility. In two hours of Bible Study (very, very early) God took that nervousness away and made me ready to enjoy the opportunity.

So, on Monday afternoon, I finished my radiation treatment. We were all so relived and happy. As before, I cried tears of joy as we left the building. Paul and several others commented that me face looked different after that, like the burden had been lifted.

Tuesday and Wednesday went very well. I was feeling good and was enjoying the freedom of a schedule not bound by radiation and naps (although I still take the naps, just not on a schedule). I started taking my long term estrogen blocker medicine, Tamoxifen. So far, so good.

Wednesday night crept in. I didn't sleep-too many hot flashes. Then Thursday hit. I woke up (warning this is very gross) with my nipple oozing and crusty from the radiation burn and peeling skin. Cleaning this up nearly made me pass out from the pain. AND I was tired on Thursday, so tired. I spent most of the day laying on the floor between the kids while they worked on the their reports. By Thursday night I was gloomy and I made the giant mistake of looking up things on the Internet. (Big caution here - if you know anyone who think they have cancer, has cancer, or any illness - stay off the Internet. I have never gotten any info there that has actually helped me, just freaks me out.) Well, I should have heeded my own words. On the Internet, the wise doctors from the Mayo Clinic counseled me to use as a rule of thumb the time from my initial doctor appointment until the end of treatment as the amount of time it would take me to feel better. Ok, my first doctor appointment was in March it is now April...13 months. Ummm, tears, big tears. I have written a blog about taking time to heal before, but to actually have an "expert" tell me I was going to feel bad for that long sent me reeling.

Friday I was feeling better, but frustrated. I really imagined that after treatment I would feel better. I know that it is the Tamoxifen that is making me feel bad now. Since it is messing with my hormones again, we may be in for another fun couple of months while I adjust to the drug. The real lesson of this week is it ain't over 'til it's over!

The beautiful thing is that now, there are no new treatment to slam my body and make it worse. Even though I will have good days and bad days, they are not going to to make me sick any more. Hooray and Hallelujah! I am fully aware that God helped the doctors find and remove the tumors, protected me and kept me strong during chemo, showed up every day to cover my heart and hold my hand during radiation, (not to mention died for me and gave me eternal life), so a little more hormone distress and tiredness are not too big for Him to handle. He is still with me every day, every minute.

Please keep us in your prayers. Paul and I are both worn out mentally and physically. While I contend with my physical symptoms, he works all day and then comes home to pick up the pieces of the house for the day. Also, girls with crazy hormones are no fun to live with, so please pray for us to have wisdom, patience and kindness with each other as my body learns to handle my drug. I can't thank you enough for praying, supporting and loving us along the road. You have been the very hands and feet of Jesus to us.

"Therefore if any person is ingrafted in Christ he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17