Healing

Today I am wearing a bra!! Ok, half of you probably are wearing one too and thinking this is no big deal. Let me tell you. It is a very big deal. I put on a real (jogging) bra last night for the first time since I had surgery. I was positively giddy. It was more exciting than my first bra. My right boob that has been tagging along untethered for a week breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Everything feels good and my shoulder is coming back to life...slowly, so slowly. I am anxious for it to progress, but once again God is teaching me patience. I think I am a slow learner.

It has only been about six weeks since cancer entered our lives, but to us is feels like about three years. A lot of things that we were concerned about before just don't really matter at all to us now. For example, a couple of weeks ago our sweet puppy forgot to be sweet and chewed up the upholstery on a chair. We took one look at it, stapled an ugly paper file folder over the "wound" and there it sits. It is one of the first things you see when you enter our house. I'm sure we will get it fixed later. Right now we don't have the time or energy to care. When you have just spent the weekend, as we had, considering whether to have body parts surgically removed, or not (we chose not), a broken chair is totally insignificant. I wonder how much more stuff around our house will need to be fixed when this is all over. Not too worried about it.

Trying to take one day at a time and not to focus on a worry about what looms ahead (chemo and radiation). I my mind the treatment is 1/3 of the way complete. Hooray!!

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own." Matthew 6:34

The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful

First of all THANK YOU. Thank you for all of cards, notes, calls and gifts. We are overwhelmed by your love and generosity. Everywhere I look in the house, there are signs of the amazing love our friends and family have showered on us. We so appreciate this and thank God for all of you.

Now the good...
Yesterday, we had a great visit with the surgeon. I had the bandages and the gross tube removed. The surgeon was very positive about the surgery and my progress. Interestingly, he indicated that most likely he would present my case at an upcoming conference because it was so unusual. (I have written and presented papers before, but being the subject of one is a new thing.) We see him again in three weeks on August 7 (our 16th anniversary, what a way to celebrate!). At that time, I expect he will release me to start chemo.

We left there with the feeling that we had been given an awesome gift. Three weeks to feel normal and to heal. No lingering questions or worries, just three weeks to enjoy our life.

But then came the bad...(this story is a little gross, feel free to skip ahead)
That night, the bandage the surgeon had placed over my drain hole was soaked with fluid. This is lymph fluid - did they teach about that in your health class??? (Mr. L, did we skip that chapter?) So Paul and I decided to change the bandage. Well, as the tape came off, it really hurt and I started to cry. You can guess what happened next, Paul freaked out - just a little. Between the gross, leaking wound and me crying, he just didn't know what to do, so he started yelling (he would say speaking forcefully) at me. He was just trying to get me re-bandaged and taped up and I was crying and crying. We finally got the hole covered and the bandage taped on. When we calmed down, we just looked at each other and burst out crazy laughing. That was not our finest hour. I thought later about the wedding vows. You kind of have an understanding of richer/poorer, maybe even better/worse, but when you say sickness and health, you never, never consider that someday you will be taping up a leaking hole in your wife's armpit. I sure am glad Paul really meant it.

Now the beautiful...
The day before I had surgery my friends Marilyn and Elmer came to my house to pray with me (thank you so much). Elmer mentioned he had heard someone say that when we are worried about something, flying for example, we can pray and think of the pilot's hands being the hands of Jesus. Jesus would be in control of the plane. I spent the whole rest of that day and the next praying that all of the doctors' hands would be the hands of Jesus. Yesterday, I had the chance to read the surgeon's notes on my operation. First, he removed the place that had been marked in the biopsy. But after that, he put in his hand, felt around and located a hard spot. He removed the spot and the surrounding tissue. This spot was the primary tumor. Now, maybe any surgeon would have gone back and looked around, but I prefer to think that Jesus had a hold of his hand and help him to locate and remove the tumor. I am so grateful that God showed me how He clearly answered my prayer. Thanks for praying with me. Cara

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Old Habits

I am doing great today. Feel pretty good. The anesthesia fog has lifted. I am looking forward to getting this gross drain out of my pit. It may be a few more days, the problems that can arise from removing it too early are worse than the drain.
Paul has finally, very hesitantly, climbed back into bed with me at night. However, he is nervous about bumping my wounds, so we decided to switch sides of the bed. Turns out this is much easier to decide than to actually do. We have been married and sleeping this way for 16 years, so changing sides was much more problematic than just rearranging the nightstands. I'm sure we will get used to it, but for the time being, it just doesn't feel right. This is just one of the many ways we have to adapt to the ever changing circumstances in our life.
Love you all, Cara

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion" Psalm 103:1-4

Good News!

We received some wonderful news today from the surgeon. The piece that was removed did indeed contain a tumor that was the source of the cancer. The surgeon removed it and was able it acheive a clear margin around the tissue. No further surgery will be necessary on that sight. Also, more of the lymph nodes were removed from under my arm. None of them contained cancer. Praise God! Both of these things are clear answers to prayer. We feel a great sense of joy and relief to have crossed this hurdle.

I will see the surgeon later in the week to get the bandages removed and have this yucky drain taken out of my armpit. (If you get the chance ask Mom about the drain, she has a good story.)
As soon my port heals, in a couple of weeks, I will be able to start chemo.

So, keep praying - for healing and for peace.
- for a quick start to chemo
- for Paul as he takes over more of the household duties and for me as I
release them
- to keep my body strong and healthy
- for healing for Ben, who has a cold, and that the germs would not spread

Thank you for your love and prayers. Cara

Friday Update

It was great to see Andrew's optimism the other day. I will give some other facts from the surgical procedure on friday. The doctor removed a piece of tissue the size of a fifty cent piece. He told us that the piece had a an area of interest right where thedoctors had marked it. We will not know until we get the pathology report back later in the week. They also took all of the lymph nodes from under her under arm. The tone from the doctor was a little more optimistic than the first surgery but we will not know until the reports come back. The also installed a port under her skin for chemo therapy probably starting later this month. We are very blessed as Cara is up and
doing some things. I am thankful every day for the doctors and the care she is receiving
We will keep you updated as we get results from doctors and move toward the next step of treatment
Paul

Surgery Friday Turnout

The surgery turned out a complete sucess. Mom is O.K. and will home soon. We were all a bit worried this morning, and I'm sure you were too, but now there is nothing to worry about.
Andrew

Goodnight

Thank you for all of the calls and notes in the last few days. We appreciated them all, even if we did not get back to you. We feel blessed by the buckets of love you are dumping on our heads.

Thanks too for all the prayers. We can feel them working. We are having a peaceful family night tonight. Another answered prayer - thank you Elmer and Marilyn. Keep praying. Tomorrow is the start of my healing from this cancer.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

Surgery Friday

After much running around the last few days, we have scheduled my surgery firmly for Friday at 11:00. I have to go before hand for a (gulp) needle localization of the spot to be removed. This spot has not yet been confirmed as cancerous or the source of the cancer. If fact, the biopsy was negative. However it is such a small (1cm), squishy spot, the doctors believe the biopsy may have missed and the spot still needs to be removed and examined. So I will have a partial mastectomy, all the lymph nodes removed from the infected area under my arm and a port put into my chest.

That's the medical stuff; now the important stuff. This afternoon, the nice man who did my chest x-ray reminded me that God wants us to ask for what we need and that I should pray specifically for perfect surgery. That is my prayer request to you. Perfect, flawless, successful surgery. Also, that we will be free from fear and worry (please include my family). And that I will recover quickly so I can start chemo as soon as possible.

Thanks for caring. We appreciate the notes and calls and prayers so much. Love, Cara

"There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in His majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He is will drive out your enemy before you saying, "Destroy him!" Deuteronomy 33:26-27

The Next Question

I think we have answered the most asked questions about our life right now -- How are you? and How are your kids? (Thank you Andrew). The third most asked question is What are you going to do about homeschool? The answer is we are going to do it. In the fall, Wittmaier Academy for Boys will officially start 5th and 8th grade. No, none of us think this is going to be easy. In fact, I am so sad that is it not going to be all that I was hoping. However, we are commited that this is the right thing for our family. This year's school will definitely have an alternative schedule around my treatment. It may take us until NEXT August to get this school year done, but who cares. In the process, the boys are going to learn lots of really important lessons about doing hard things, loving others (you will help with that by how you show us love) and depending on God. Also, I will benefit from having them home, as well, because I will have something to focus on besides dreading my next doctor's appointment.

Stay tuned and keep praying please. We are trying to schedule my surgery for THIS Friday. More details to come... Thanks for your love and prayers, Cara

"I am the Lord God of all humanity. Nothing is too hard for me." Jeremiah 32:27

Andrew's View

This whole cancer thing was kind of crazy for me at first. It was really scary and frightening and now it still is, but it's lightened up a little. We all know that Mom will get though this and we will get through this together.
Ben and I have been spending a lot of time together lately because Mom has been at the doctor's office a lot. I'm not complaining very much. I'm worried about Mom, but I'd rather be sitting here waiting for them to come home than sitting in the doctor's office.
We are starting to know a lot about breast cancer and like my mom said, "The boys will know more about breast anatomy than they ever wanted to know." That is very true.
Andrew

Welcome Friends

I am a little uncomfortable with this whole blog thing, I tend to be on the side of less technology, more human interaction. However, we have been so marvelously blessed to have so many of you calling and asking and wondering about how we are doing that I have turned to this give you info.

First, the medical info. If you already know this, skip to the end. In February, I found a new lump in my left breast. I went to the doctor who promptly sent me in for my first mammogram. (BTW for all you young ladies - I did not find it as bad as advertised. Please go and get one soon!) The mammogram showed that my breast was clear, but there were some enlarged lymph nodes under my arm. Speculating that is was just an infection, the doctor prescribed a course of strong antibiotics. The follow-up ultrasound of the area showed that the lymph nodes were still enlarged. So, we went to see the surgeon. He was not too alarmed, but agreeed that the lymph nodes should be removed. I had this surgery on June 2. Four days later the pathology showed breast cancer in those nodes. However, the primary source of the cancer was still not identified. (Cancer can't start in lymph nodes.) We spent the next few weeks meeting with the oncologist and having all kinds of tests to check for further cancer. All of my bones and organs are clear. The cancer is localized to my left breast and lymph nodes. An MRI of my breast showed a spot in the place I originally felt it. On Thursday, I had a biopsy of the spot. Now we wait....

We meet with the surgeon again on Thursday (9th) to discuss the results of the biopsy and schedule surgery. This surgery will be to remove all of the lymph nodes from under my arm, put in a port for chemo and, depending on the results of the biopsy, give me a partial mastectomy. After that, in 2 to 4 weeks there will be chemo, then radiation, followed by long term hormone therapy.

Now the rest...Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers, calls, e-mails, cards and hugs. You don't know it, but sometimes just hearing your voice on the machine or reading the card over and over is the best part of my day. I feel as if buckets and buckets of love were being poured out on my head. Sometimes I don't call back or respond, but please don't think I didn't notice or care. I really appreciated it.

What to do now... In the next few weeks we may need some help. Mom is going to come and stay as much as she can. I am trying to work it out so that she can come for surgery and take the kids back to Missouri so that they will miss the first round of chemo. I'm sure I will need someone to babysit me them. Paul has to travel a few times in August and he is already fretting about that.

Also, we love it when you hug us and ask how we are doing, but please never have a medical conversation in front of our kids. We will be happy to tell you all about it when they are not around. We have had several incidents of them getting freaked out my a random cancer conversations when they were not expecting it.

Mostly we need you to pray for us. This week especially we need prayer that the spot that was found is the source of the cancer.
Here is another partial list of our prayer requests:
That we will be free from fear and full of the peace that passes all understanding from God
That we will rest in that peace and be able to sleep
That the cancer will be healed quickly and completely
That I will have loving and wise doctors and nurses
That every day as we walk though this valley we will sense the prescence of God walking with us and that each day we will love Him more as He holds our hands.

One final thought... Andrew wanted to call the blog "Cancer Makes Us Crazy" but we decided "It's a Wonderful Life" was better. Even though I have cancer, we do feel that we are incredibly blessed and live a wonderful life surround by people we love and are loved by an amazing King who provides for us so abundantly. We are confident that we will emerge from this as stronger, better people who love God so much, and in the end, will be grateful for this experience in our life.
Love to you all, Cara