Birthdays and Bruises

Ben and I both celebrated a birthday this weekend. My was accompanied by all of the usual craziness (trick or treating and all). His was a little more tame than usual as I would not allow him to have a giant sleepover filling our house with all sorts of unwelcome germs from other boys. I am pretty certain this trauma will not require therapy when he is thirty, so I didn't lose any sleep over it. Thank you very much for all of the cards and birthday wishes.

The past couple weeks have been some of the most emotionally and spiritually challenging ones that I have ever had. I was flirting with depression and my soul felt like a dried up old prune that needed some water. In a really brilliant move, I tried to deal with all of this myself by turning inward and crying a lot. Needless to say, that didn't work too well. Only when I finally reached out to some people, confessed what was really going on in my heart, and earnestly asked for help and prayer did the heaviness lift. I will have to count that spiritual healing as yet another miracle graciously poured upon me by God.

The past few weeks while I was struggling were hard on the kids. When I am upset, they generally are too. Sometimes I can't even tell they are having trouble until they suddenly implode over what seems to be nothing. All in all, I think they are doing as well as could be expected. Still, we all sort of have the feeling of being a little bruised and beat up. Please pray for the boys to have amazing peace and to feel God's love surrounding them. (Pray that for Mom too. She has been bruised and battered right along with us.)

Tomorrow I start a new phase of treatment - twelve doses of Taxol in twelve weeks. Yep, you did the math right, that will take us through the holidays right to the end of January. I am trying hard to believe the doctor when he says that these treatment will be much easier than the last set. I am still a little skeptical. After tomorrow, at least I will know what to expect. I optimistically made plans for Saturday, so I hope I am able to follow through.

Interestingly, while this drug is administered I am going to get to wear cold mittens and socks. Remember the Popsicle? This is for the same reason. The Taxol is know to cause neuropathy - tingling in the hands and feet. Again they say USUALLY this goes away and is not permanent. Again I ask, USUALLY? Wearing the mittens and socks constricts the blood flow and does not allow the chemo drugs as much access to those areas, therefore reducing the side effects. Next week, I am sure I will have something interesting to say about that whole thing.

Thanks all of you who lifted us in prayer this week. God heard you and healed my spirit. My parched soul is singing again and I am able to approach tomorrow without fear.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6