Letting Go

Having cancer has made me have to let go of a number of things in my life.

*Modesty and self consciousness - lots of medical people poking and prodding, my husband's work colleagues discussing my breasts with him, laying unclothed on the bed while my friends change my bandages.

*Vanity -my boob has a giant scar, I am soon to loose all of my hair. I don't think I was vain before, but I wonder how will I feel when I look in the mirror and see a bald girl.

*Self-reliance - learning to ask for help a lot. This is harder than you think it would be.

*My energy and health -until now, my cancer has not made me sick. On Friday, I will let the doctor give me drugs that will make me sick to cure me. Because of my surgeries, I have already had to stop running around with the kids quite so much. Remember the beach? I wanted to be in a waves too. I am learning to stand back and watch more. I am sitting more and searching for ways to conserve my energy.

*Privacy - I am a pretty private person, but you are reading my blog and peering intimately into my struggle, my marriage, my growth.

With the exception of my health (which would have eventually been taken by the cancer anyway), these are not necessarily bad things give up, but today's world makes us all want some of these things very badly. I am trying to let these things go without a fight. I know I don't need them and I'll be better without them. In the end, I believe it will be a great blessing to lighten my load and be able to walk through my life without these hunks of baggage on my back.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

(Andrew and I know a catchy song for this verse, we sing it often. Ask me, I'll teach it to you!)