Losing It

Well I have finally lost it...not my mind, my hair. On Wednesday night I ran my hand through my hair and instead of turning up with one or two hairs in my hand, I had about twenty. And yes, I started to cry. For the better part of this week I had been perking right along pretending everything was normal, but here it was right in my face the ugly cancer monster again.

I had foolishly imagined losing my hair would take a few days, but by Thursday morning my hair was down to about half volume. There were no chunks missing; it was just much thinner. When I got out of bed, Paul commented that I looked like I had been wrestling with a cat. It was just raining hair all over the place. Very gross and messy.

I wondered if the kids would freak out a little about my losing my hair. I had just finished showering when Andrew wandered down and into my bedroom. As gently as possible, I told him I was losing my hair and pointed to the shower where a good sized pile of hair that strongly resembled a dead squirrel lay. He said, "Wait a minute, I have to show that to Ben." After Ben made the appropriate gagging noises, I decided they were all right with it.

On Thursday, I went over to my friends' house and got a haircut on their back porch. I now have much the same haircut as a boy with a buzz cut, only mine gets thinner every day.
I am still shedding, but since the hair is short, it is not so annoying and messy. The boys decided to get their hair buzzed to be like mine. Check out our before and after pictures.




I always knew that Ben and I looked alike. I am shocked at how much Andrew looks like me in this picture.

Paul declined to get a buzz, pleading that at his age it might not grow back. I agree.

The boys laughed hysterically when I came home with my new do and said, " You look like a guy!" I said, "No, I look like you." They also think my head wear is hilarious. When I was trying out a scarf on my head they proclaimed that I looked like a pirate. I have to admit, I kind of did. Must be careful not to wear hoop earrings and scarf at same time to avoid further pirate comparisons.

On Friday, I went to see my surgeon for a follow-up. (Everything is healed nicely, thanks for asking.) I quizzed him about why some of the hair on my body is falling out and some is not. The answer is that fast growing hair gets attacked by the chemo, but slower growing hair does not. This means I might not lose the hair on my arms and legs - darn.

What next? I have chemo again on Friday. It is a strange feeling to know I am going to feel gross all of next weekend (a fun way to spend Labor Day) and most of next week. It is like knowing you are going to have the flu before you get it. I am trying to get organized and prepared so that school will flow smoothly the week after the chemo. Mom will be here to take care of pretty much everything else. Paul is excited about her doing the laundry. Please pray that I am able to get everything done for school and that the second chemo goes as well, or even better than the first. Also, pray the chemo is working and killing every single cancer cell in my body, not just my hair. Thanks for your love and unwavering support. Cara

"Who am I , O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 2 Samuel 7:18